On the border

I've been miserable these last days. I didn't exactly quit yet, but I exchanged some e-mails with my boss that are the last step before doing so - and now I'm trying to keep my mind busy with other things until the next week starts, so I'm not just agonizing over what's going to happen next week. But it's hard when I dream about the problem and it's the first thing that comes to my mind when I wake up.

In many senses, it's a very dumb move to quit before looking for another job. I like my job, by the way, but there are some things I can't stand anymore and they are getting really unbearable. If I do quit, I'll have this gap in my resume and will have to explain to possible employers the reason why I'm so difficult and couldn't stay for a little more. Also, I plan on getting pregnant this year and I shouldn't be looking for a job with a pregnant belly. And, last but not least, I do need the money if I want to start a family...

I should learn to play the game and stay there, giving as little as I can, until I find something else. But I'm not that savvy, I think, and I feel like a traitor if I'm working and looking for a job. Stupid, hah?

I just woke up 20 minutes ago and maybe writing this here will help me to put it away from my mind a little bit. Hope it works.

The picture if from last weekend, coming back from the mountains. It was a very happy day, when I really managed to spend many hours in a row without thinking of work and without worrying about real things - just focusing on learning how to ski and having some good laughs after each time I fell. I would like to be more balanced of a person, have more control over what's in my mind, making me crazy - I would really love to have more days like that one.